Things Jonathan Franzen Hates

1. E-books: “That kind of radical contingency is not compatible with a system of justice or responsible self-government.”

2. Smartphones: “Great allies and enablers of narcissism.”

3. The Internet: “It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction.”

4. Cats: “the sociopaths of the pet world.”

5. Experimental fiction: “It’s also in my Protestant nature, however, to expect some reward for this work.”

6. Schmaltzy fiction: “I cringe, myself.”

7. Michiko Kakutani: “the stupidest person in New York City.”

8. Insipid Broadway musical adaptations: “instantly overpraised.”

9. Author videos: “This might be a good place for me to register my profound discomfort at having to make videos like this.”

If Jonathan Franzen is anti-cats, then we, The Internet, should be decidedly anti-Franzen.